Once differences develop into tensions, there are unlikely to be any short-cuts to agreement. Both sides must start by opening channels of communication and working upwards to reach full agreement.
- Where are we on the way down?
- What is the way forward?
- Where do we start on the way up?
THE ROAD DOWN...
DIFFERENCES
Discussions and differences can be healthy and productive if met with tolerance.
TENSIONS
Promises may be broken. People’s actions may not be the same as their words. Views become fixed and people begin to criticise their ‘opponents’ and view them as the enemy.
DISPUTES
Neither side will admit they have made mistakes in case they are seen to ‘lose face’ in the eyes of their opponents. They become determined. More extreme positions are taken. Threats are made but not carried out.
HOSTILITIES
People become convinced that their views are right. Opponents are mocked, scorned and isolated. Some threats are carried out.
THE BOTTOM
THRESHOLD OF VIOLENCE?
‘No way back.’ ‘They must lose.’ People in organisations may be sacked. Force is used, perhaps physical violence.
Force may run its course until one party ‘wins’ or all are exhausted. Outsiders may intervene with force to bring violence to a halt.
ARMED VIOLENT CONFLICT?
ON THE ROAD UP...
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS OPENED
Both sides agree that a solution is needed. Outsiders may be needed to help both sides communicate. Ways to move forward are established.
MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING
People come to understand the views of others and to respect them. The conflict is described (sometimes mapped) to help find possible solutions.
FINDING SOLUTIONS
An approach is found that everyone agrees on – whether this uses the law, customary methods or partnership. Solutions are agreed and acted upon.
AGREEMENT
Everyone agrees. They may agree to keep different views but always to accept the views of others. It may be helpful to have a written and signed agreement for future reference.
By CRDT staff, with ideas used with permission from Frank Oomkes and Richard Thomas. Developing Cross- Cultural Communication. Connaught Training.